Well my dears. It’s been awhile. But then, I’ve had a lot going on in life and some things have to wait in the sidelines in times like that. At least I didn’t delete this account, as I did with some other ones.
So what is new? Nothing, and everything. Let’s start at the top.
It’s been nearly a year since I went on medication (that would be for OCD, anxiety, and panic disorder for those of you who don’t know). Several dosage and medication changes later, as well as switching to my third doctor and, well, not that much is terribly different. It takes time to find the right medication at the right dosage, I know that, and I suppose I feel better for something being done, but still. The biggest change is that I’m getting some sleep for the first time in my life. Granted, this doctor isn’t very pleased with having me on benzodiazepines, but since I hardly sleep as it is, he’s willing to go with it. I appreciate that he’ll give it a try if I work with him on other issues. So now I’m tired half the day, but at least I’m sleeping six+ hours a night. It is irritating to take it at night and then practically pass out an hour later, but I’m hoping that will fade a bit as I get used to this higher dose.
It was said to me by a good friend that it must feel nice to feel like myself again. Well, no. Because I have never felt like this in my life. Since I can remember I haven’t been able to sleep more than an hour or two straight, and I’ve been subject to the stresses that OCD and chronic anxiety and panic bring. For all that my meds have been in constant flux lately, I’ve never felt quite so stable in my own mind. The very thought of leaving the house alone disconcerts me, but it doesn’t make puke anymore. And leaving the house, alone or accompanied, isn’t as traumatic as it once was. I guess it also helps that I am recognised as disabled here, so I don’t have to constantly prove myself. Dear NHS, ILU forever.
Also. My son has been diagnosed with ASD, which is Autism Spectrum Disorder. Probably Asperger’s. But simply put, he has higher functioning autism. Which really doesn’t change how I treat him, because I already knew it, but it does change how his school treats him because he now has a defined and serious disability. Which I’ve been telling his school for two and a half years, but they couldn’t do anything until they had a proper diagnosis. Yeah, not terribly impressed. Typically, the boy couldn’t care less. He doesn’t care that he has autism, or what the symptoms are, etc. He just cares about …well, what he cares about. Do the changes effect his day? Yes because he doesn’t have to sit detention every day for behaviours he cannot control. Does he still have to do his work? Oh yes. But he knows he gets some leeway there, as well.
I have no resolutions to tie this post up neatly with. Just thought I would pop in and say hullo, this is where I am right now. *waves*
